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SECTION 6. The How Stage of Practice
Aspects of the How Stage
Recording When-Which-How Encounters
When-Which-How Recording Table
When-Which-How Recording Chart
Follow-on Expressions
More Examples
Travel Woes.
A Friend in Need.
Pets
Kingdoms of Nature
Managing Expectations
A school teacher
A drug counselor
THE HOW STAGE OF PRACTICE
“Let my heart be wise. It is the gods’ best gift.”
Euripides
In Section 3, we learned much about the virtues. We saw what a typical day was like for an individual who did not practice when-which-how. Then we repeated that typical day and saw that there was a dramatic difference when the practice of when-which-how was applied to the same situations and encounters.
It was obvious when our practitioner applied the practice and which virtues he applied, but maybe it was not so obvious how he applied them. In this section, we will examine the how stage more closely. This phase of the practice is more open-ended than the other two.
It is clear that we need to maintain our attention and stay aware from moment-to-moment during our daily encounters. With our awareness focused in the present, we increase our sensitivity to our internal thoughts and feelings as well as to the external attitudes and behaviors of those we encounter. At the same time, because we are aware and sensitive, we can observe our internal state and the external situation we happen to be experiencing. As we get into the habit of maintaining this state of being, life becomes much more immediate, rich, and full. This developed state of being is a potent platform from which to practice when-which-how.
At this point we are ready to choose one or more virtues to apply to the situation we are experiencing. Taking an instance from the example of the typical day, after lunch our practitioner goes to his manager’s office with the intention of apologizing for his negative attitude and behavior earlier in the day. He also finds the courage to tell her that he really needs to leave on time because his son is playing soccer after school. He recognized when to apply the virtues and he chose which virtues to apply to the situation, namely, valor and humility. But how did he apply them?
Aspects of the How Stage
Perhaps, the most obvious element of this how phase is that he applied those two virtues externally, by having a talk with his boss. First, he was valorous enough to go to her office and second, he was humble enough to admit his shortcomings. By simply being truthful, he used valor again, to confront the issue of staying late for work. In the past, out of fear of disapproval, he would have made up a phony excuse to get out of the situation, but by learning to stay aligned with the heart, he felt more confident about being forthright.
Another aspect of the how phase is that he applied these virtues to himself. A third factor in the how phase is the order or sequence in which the virtues are applied. Which virtues we apply is one phase, but the how phase can also include the sequence in which we apply them.
The following list includes the most obvious ways of how the virtues can be applied to an encounter.
1. To the sequence of transfer. This is the order in which we transmit the virtues we have chosen. For example, if we feel we should work with humility, understanding, and compassion we use our intuitive insight to determine the sequence of transfer. Is the sequence H>U>C, or H>C>U, or U>H>C or U>C>H, or C>U>H, or C>H>U? This looks much more complex than it is. As we learn to work with the intelligence of the heart, these details will unfold naturally with our increasing sensitivity, experience, and intuition.
2. To oneself externally. This means that we express the virtues into our physical lives through some activity. The activity, in turn, reinforces that virtue and braids others into it. For instance, we take a walk in the local park and express our appreciation to nature. The natural setting reinforces our appreciation and evokes a feeling of humility. This experience triggers a desire to return home and listen to Beethoven’s Pastoral Symphony.
3. To oneself subjectively or internally. In this instance, we transfer particular virtues to ourselves for the particular situation in which we are involved.
4. To others externally at our physical location. We speak to others in our presence and express the particular virtues we feel are needed.
5. To others internally at our physical location. We subjectively send the virtues we believe will serve those present.
6. To others internally at a distance. We subjectively send virtues to a person or group in another part of the world.
7. To others subjectively no longer in physical life. In this case we send virtues to loved ones who have left the physical world, but who we believe are living in the next world, however you may define it.
8. To the past. We internally send virtues to encounters we have experienced or to situations that still require harmonizing.
9. To the future. We internally send virtues to encounters we may have or to situations that may develop.
10. To the activation of the Six Heart Virtues Grid Meditation in any encounter or situation—external, internal, self-targeted, other-targeted, past, present, or future.
The issue of transferring virtue energetics into the past and future may seem odd from the standpoint of our existence in the spacetime dimension. Nevertheless, if the higher self is beyond spacetime, then it is possible that our current alignment to the higher self, via the heart, allows us to send the heart virtues into the past and the future.
Another consideration is the dimension of an encounter. Is it focused at the physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual? It could be any combination of these. How we respond to an encounter may depend on how we have experienced it ourselves. I have included these dimensional perspectives in the examples that follow. It should be noted that these dimensional perspectives are themselves dependent upon the subjective experiences of each practitioner. Consequently, my particular choices cannot be definitive and are not meant to be.
Here are a few examples of the points listed above.
• Attending a public meeting, you work internally (5) by expressing understanding and appreciation into the meeting room. Because this is the first meeting you have attended, you don’t feel comfortable expressing these virtues at the physical level.
• Touring a World War II battlefield, you work subjectively with those killed (7) in a past war by expressing appreciation, compassion, and forgiveness into the battlefield. You feel this emotionally. You happen to notice two war veterans nearby and you physically express your appreciation for their sacrifice.
• During a prayer or meditation meeting, you visualize the future world’s people living in harmony (9) while subjectively transmitting the six heart virtues into the CHEF. This is expressed in a combination of spiritual, mental, and emotional dimensions. Afterwards, you mingle with your friends and physically express various virtues through your discussions and comments.
• Attending a university graduation, you practice number 10 in the present and also apply number 5 by expressing valor, understanding, appreciation, and humility. You then express the same virtues through the application of number 9. These transfers encompass the spiritual and emotional dimensions.
• Watching the news, you see a report about a particular group of people suffering the ravages of war. You apply number 6 by expressing compassion. This encounter is physically based, but your application is at the emotional dimension.
• Worrying about your sick child, you practice number 3 by expressing valor and understanding and numbers 4 and 5 by expressing compassion, understanding, and valor. This encounter includes the physical and emotional dimensions.
• Deciding to register for swimming lessons, despite your lifelong fear of water, you practice 2 by expressing valor. This is an expression at the mental and physical dimensions.
Recording When-Which-How Encounters
Using this list as a guide, you should be able to identify real life examples by closely observing your daily activities and encounters. In order to help identify the various aspects of when-which-how I have created a table (see the following page) in which these elements can be recorded. I have assembled the when-which-how encounters related to A New Day in the Life of scenario and entered them in this table. A blank table form similar to this example might prove valuable for recording your daily encounters and a blank table form is provided at the end of this guide. This is a form of tracking that is somewhat different than the tracking offered at Event Temples. They are similar in the sense that their purpose is to help you gain an organized overview of when, which, and how you apply the six virtues.
Following the table is a recording chart that places the various encounters of the day into their respective categories. It provides a visual overview of the daily practice of when-which-how and, in this respect, it has an advantage over the table format. This recording chart is also filled in with the encounters that are listed in the recording table. Each block is filled in according to whether the encounter was applied internally, externally, to oneself, or to others.
Each cell contains:
• the time (Not that all encounters are assumed to be in the present unless otherwise noted.)
• description of the encounter
• the virtues applied
• the encounter type
• the internal dimension, emotional, mental, spiritual
Not everyone will want to record their experiences in this style, so it is offered as an optional tool to be used if it serves your needs. The notation abbreviations are suggestions only. If you choose to make your own chart, you may want to modify these or create your own notation system.
I highly recommend recording your daily encounters in some form, even it if is only at the beginning stages of your practice. You can do this through journaling and through the recording charts in this guide.
I highly recommend recording your daily encounters in some form, even it if is only at the beginning stages of your practice. You can do this through journaling and through the recording charts in this guide.
When-Which-How Recording Table
When-Which-How Recording Chart
Follow-on Expressions
There are myriad combinations and sequences of expressing the virtues. Additionally, how they are expressed—whether internally, externally, to self, to others, present, past, or future—can only be determined by each practitioner. There may very well be other “hows” of the practice, that are not yet obvious, but which will only emerge with more experience. At this stage, we are focused on learning the basics. Before leaving this topic, there are still a few other factors to briefly discuss.
“When you express one or more of the heart virtues into an encounter you can then observe its influence on the event or participants therein. The observation can then guide your follow-on expression, its intensity, to whom it is directed, and its duration. This cycle of expression and observation enables a more fine-grained expression, and it is this adjustment that leads you forward on the path to emotional self-mastery.”
This quotation mentions a cycle of expression and observation. It then describes:
A follow-on expression
• Its intensity
• To whom it is directed
• Its duration
For example: You inform your husband that you are going to see a movie with your girlfriend this evening and that he will have to prepare his own dinner. What is your observation? Is he eager to see you go? Does he have a shocked look on his face? Is he showing signs of panic?
Okay, I’ll back up a little. Your husband comes home from work and you tell him that your girlfriend called and she wants to see a movie that is playing for the last night. You want to go with her, so he will have to prepare his dinner. This all happened unexpectedly, so you ask him to forgive the inconvenience and to please understand how much you really want to see this film. You observe his reactions to your expressed virtues.
He expresses compassion by telling you that you deserve a break because you are always sacrificing your own needs for the family. He tells you that it’s no problem, he’ll figure out something to eat.
You observe that despite his last statement, he is somewhat unsettled. To soothe his anxiety, you express compassion and understanding with great intensity and duration (about a minute), and then, to his pleasant surprise, you open the refrigerator to show him the casserole you prepared earlier, which he only has to heat in the oven. You also point out all the ingredients he needs to make his salad. He expresses his appreciation and gives you a big hug of thanks.
This somewhat playful example is meant to show how natural when-which-how can be in actual practice. We express the virtues and we observe the results. According to the situation, we adjust the “follow-on expression, its intensity, to whom it is directed, and the duration.”
The challenge is to stay present and maintain attention while engaged in the encounter. The intelligence of the heart and the six virtues will help to guide the flow of every encounter if our intention is aligned with love. If we open ourselves to the heart, the virtues will emerge and serve us, so we can serve each other.
Let’s explore one more example before continuing to our next topic. We will bring back our practitioner and his family for this example.
Recall that he and his wife decided to help their children resolve their arguments. The next day, he and his wife gathered the two children for a family meeting, something they had not done for quite a while. First, the parents expressed their appreciation to the children by telling them how much they were loved. The parents expressed humility by admitting that they probably should have called a meeting sooner and not allowed the children’s occasional arguments to reach a point of being continuous. He followed up with valor, by explaining that he was actually more at fault because he was usually the parent who helped settle the children’s bickering.
Our practitioner observed that the kids (14 year-old boy and 15 year-old girl) seemed surprised that he admitted negligence in this regard. Sensing this, our practitioner reinforced it by a follow-on expression of humility by relating that parents were not perfect and could make mistakes just like children, except that adult mistakes could have larger consequences. He extended the duration and intensity of this approach by expressing understanding.
He did this by relaying a story about his father and mother. They were strict disciplinarians and no matter what “trouble” arose in his youth, from his parents’ viewpoint, he was always at fault and they were always right. As he grew older, our practitioner realized that yes, indeed many times he was at fault, but sometimes he wasn’t, yet his parents never had the courage or humility to admit their mistakes. He did not blame them for this because he realized that his parents were brought up in a culture that maintained a strict parent-child belief system. It was part of their enculturation.
Continuing his story, he described how one day, when he was in his early twenties, his parents called him to their home for a talk. They wanted to tell him that as they looked back on their lives, they realized that they should have been a little more understanding in his upbringing. Sometimes, they realized, after the fact, that they were in error, but they had had too much pride to admit that they had been wrong; that on various occasions they had punished him despite feeling that it wasn’t the best method of teaching him right and wrong. They admitted to having made mistakes, but they had been only trying to do their best for him. From that day forward, he told his two children, his relationship with his parents was much more positive, open, and honest because of their valor and humility in admitting that they were only human.
As his story ended, there seemed to be a wonderful feeling of understanding, appreciation, and compassion in the room. He sensed that these virtues were bouncing back and forth between everyone present. The reason for their meeting got lost in this field of loving energy. Everyone was affected by the release of these virtues.
Our practitioner now observed that his children really understood that he and his wife appreciated and understood them as children who deserved a fair hearing when problems arose. Nevertheless, they also understood that he and his wife were still the parents who were there to guide them and define the boundaries of their activities and behaviors. Fully present, observing and sensing all this, he visualized the six virtues grid encompassing his entire family as he asked his children what all their arguing was about.
Several days later, our practitioner’s daughter came to him and asked about his practice of when-which-how. She had heard him explaining it to his wife and she wanted to know what it was all about. Our practitioner did his best to explain it to his daughter and then recommended that she get on the family computer and go to the Event Temples website to explore it for herself. Before doing this, she asked him what “mom” thought about these weird, but intriguing ideas. He replied that her mother was a little unsure about the practice itself, but had always believed that love was the best medicine for healing anything. So, she had also gone to the website and was now reading “Living from the Heart.” His daughter seemed satisfied with these remarks and said that she would check it out.
I haven’t inserted the virtues that were being applied in this final example in order to give you the chance to identify them for yourself. It should be mentioned here that the when-which-how procedure is not as complicated as it appears in these examples. It appears complicated because we are dissecting human conversations in order to indicate when, which, and how to apply the various heart virtues. As you persist in practicing, however, you will find that the heart energetics intelligently and seamlessly flow through your interactions and conversations. This is part of the intelligence of the heart-mind system as it interacts with the intelligence of the six virtues. The heart-mind system is designed to work as a team and this system will respond naturally to the presence and application of the six virtues, if you make the choice to apply them.
The sad fact is that so many of us fail to reach out to one another in an honest and loving manner. The power of living from the heart is effective, I believe, because loving kindness is an inborn trait of the genuine human being. The key word here, is “genuine.” The genuine “you” is the higher self existing behind the mask of the ego-personality. That higher aspect of our own being is dwelling in the energetic heart. It will open to us if we open to it. That, I believe, is part of our design.
It’s as if you had an expensive car with a high performance engine, but due to your lack of knowledge, you fed that engine low-octane, less refined fuel. Then, one day someone with a knowledge of engines informs you that you possess a high quality engine and that it will perform remarkably better if you feed it the proper fuel. Doing so will allow the engine to perform according to the specifications of the engineers who designed it. You cannot believe it, but you decide to follow this person’s advice and to try the higher quality fuel. You are amazed at the results and marvel at the enormous difference in efficiency and the overall improved quality of your driving experience.
This simple analogy shows how, with the correct knowledge, a willingness to change, and the application of the correct energetics, we can be efficient and experience an improved quality of life. Our goal then, is to pass on the knowledge that we have received in order that others may benefit, thus contributing to the overall quality of life for everyone on our planet.
More Examples
Travel Woes. You have boarded your plane for a flight home and after twenty minutes the pilot announces that there is a backup of flights that will delay take-off for at least two hours. These aggravating and frustrating situations are the right time to practice when-which-how. When we encounter a particular situation that really upsets our emotional balance, the event is our opportunity to stay present and observe what is occurring to us internally. Take the role of the observer. Separate your feelings and thoughts from you, the observer. This can minimize the frustration.
Perhaps, this problem calls for understanding and humility (although additional virtues may apply here, we will keep it as simple as possible). How do you apply these virtues to this situation? After examining your own internal state, it is time to reach out to others, either internally or externally, or both ways.
For example, if the person next to you is very upset over the situation, you may want to outwardly express your own frustration, but then talk about the problem in a positive manner through the virtue of understanding. The humility virtue could be introduced by pointing out that probably everybody on the plane has plans that are going to be disrupted by the delay. In other words, you’re communicating that everyone is stuck in the same situation.
You can then direct into the emotional field of the aircraft the virtues you feel are most suited to the event. This does two things. First, it helps to calm the situation by introducing positive emotional energy into the collective field. Second, it takes the focus off yourself and consequently reduces, or cuts off the flow of negative emotions that are present in your individual field. The point being, that if you are expressing coherence through the practice of when-which-how, you are focused on the higher self and energetic heart—not on the ego-personality. You are then part of the higher circulatory flow of the soul, rather than the lower, less refined circulation of the ego-personality world.
A Friend in Need. Often we are confronted with a situation in which a friend is in crisis and needs to talk about it. Let’s suppose that a friend has come to you to talk about a personal problem. You are lending a sympathetic ear and providing a sounding board for your friend’s situation. This is an external expression of compassion and understanding but how can you further apply the virtues to this crisis? For example, you might extend your compassion to the internal dimension by visualizing compassion outflowing from your heart into your friend’s heart. This internal activation of one or more virtues could very well be more powerful and effective than your sympathetic listening, although both are important.
A helpful point here is to realize that activating the practice of when-which-how in our daily lives runs counter to our habitual style of social interaction. For the most part, we are used to interacting with others at the physical level of life. Therefore, when we are sitting down with a friend who needs to talk about a problem, we automatically communicate (words and body language) at the physical level. We are probably feeling sympathy and maybe empathy, but we are not pro-actively engaging our friend on an internal level. Granted, much may be occurring at the sub-conscious level, but our goal is to become conscious practitioners, not to be simply passive sympathizers.
When-which-how deals with the internal, subjective emotional level in a pro-active way. We are intentionally directing specific heart virtues at our friend or at whatever the encounter happens to be. We are not in the custom of interacting with others (or ourselves, for that matter) in this way. This is why we forget to engage the practice so often and it is why we need to work hard at training ourselves to remember to be present, to observe, and to practice.
Pets. Can we apply the when-which-how practice to our pets? Of course we can and we should. How do we do this? The how aspect is really not much different than how we apply the virtues to our fellow humans. The obvious course that comes to mind is to send our pets the virtues of compassion and appreciation, although you may want to express forgiveness if they accidentally leave a mess on your carpet.
As mentioned often in this guide, when we practice when-which-how we are engaging the higher self and energetic heart. If we are alone for most of the day, pets provide a perfectly valid source for our practice. As we outflow the virtues to our pets, we are activating the flow of powerful spiritual energies in our home environment. This is a good thing. Our pets benefit, we benefit, our emotional living space benefits. It’s a win, win, win situation.
Kingdoms of Nature. When we work with pets, we are working with the animal kingdom. There is no obvious reason why we cannot practice when-which-how on all the kingdoms of nature. For instance, we can visualize the virtues of the heart extending throughout the animal kingdom of our planet. When we go into our backyards, gardens, or public parks, we can practice when-which-how by expressing appreciation and humility to the plant kingdom. The point is that we can radiate the virtues of the heart into all of the natural world. Again, our cultural conditioning can tend to limit our beliefs about radiating divine love to all the world. We believe that our fellow human beings need the virtues of the heart, but that the natural world does not. Yet, the planetary environment is suffering from humanity’s inability to live from the heart, just as we humans are suffering.
Managing Expectations
A school teacher wants to improve the relationship between himself and his students. He decides to send understanding and appreciation to them for one week, at the end of which he will assess the situation. If it has not improved, he will try another strategy.
This teacher has imposed a time limit on virtues that exist beyond the spacetime dimension. He has set up a restrictive condition for success. Whether a week is too long or not long enough is beside the point. The underlying foundation of the practice is that we are learning to work from the standpoint of the higher self, which transcends the spacetime reality of the ego-personality.
By setting a time limit, this individual is diluting the effectiveness of the virtues by imposing restrictions on them. Thus, before he even begins to outflow the virtues to his students, he is limiting the effectiveness of the virtues by setting up conditions that do not apply to them because they, like the soul, exist in a subjective state beyond the three-dimensional world of form.
A drug counselor is working with a teenager who has gotten involved with drugs at school. She has been working with young people for ten years and has now added the when-which-how technique to her counseling practice.
Because she is accustomed to imposing tough love on her young clients, the practice of transferring the heart virtues to them is a somewhat new approach. She has seen too many repeat offenses, and consequently, her application of the virtues is often accompanied by the expectation of failure. This is not necessarily her fault, but simply the result of her long experience in the field of witnessing the inability of users to overcome their drug habits.
In this case, the negative expectations of the counselor are a difficult hurdle for her to clear, due to the negative emotional miasma of drug addiction. In order to manage these negative expectations, she must work to build positive emotional energy into her life by substituting the virtues of the heart for the negative expectations of the past.
We see in both these instances that the time factor plays a large role in the practice of when-which-how. For what are expectations, but the anticipation and hope of an outcome or result that is most often the desire of the ego-personality instead of the higher self. This is why cultivating neutrality toward the work of the virtues is important.
We must be willing to place faith in the intelligence of the heart to manage the situations we encounter. We practice when-which-how and stand aside to allow the virtues to do their transformative work. We stand aside, but remain vigilant, ready to initiate any follow-on expression of the virtues if necessary.
The bottom line is that our expectations put a spacetime, ego-personality “spin” on the virtues that is unnecessary and is most likely detrimental to their effectiveness. If we expect too much or too little from the results, we are projecting our desires onto others, thus prejudicing our judgment as to when, which, and how we will practice toward this person or situation the next time.
This in all likelihood means that the next time, we will approach the encounter from the spacetime perspective of the ego-personality, with all the baggage of the past. This is not how we practice. We practice with a neutral, non-prejudiced attitude, centered in the energetic heart, and aligned with the higher self. This is that neutral, inner spiritual sun that shines its divine love on all, without the time-bound, prejudiced memory of the ego-personality.
